ultimate power play - he said, she said

Sometimes, the most important lessons in life catch you by surprise.  You feel dumb for not realizing them.  Understanding them.  Taking advantage of them.  Sooner.  Such was certainly the case recently, when my v.p. pulled an unspeakably powerful rabbit out of his hat.

It’s a method.  For changing people’s minds.  About each other.  Incompatible people.  Mortal enemies people.  Your people.  My people.  People whom, for whatever reason, you’d like to see getting along.  But don’t.

It’s subtle.  Sub-conscious.  Sublime.  It’s also one of the easiest to use, nearly impossible to resist techniques ever.  It’s good.  Oh so very very good.  It’s not a power play.  It’s an ultimate power play.

I recognized it during the dumbstruck hours following a meeting with my company’s second in command.  I should have been angry.  Dissatisfied.  Homicidal.  Instead?  I found myself inspired.  Optimistic.  At peace.

What the fuck.

I’d called the meeting to discuss increasing friction between a coworker and myself.  By “increasing friction” I should say “seething rage with a chance of fisticuffs.”  Working with her had grown so impossible I was considering finding a new job.  A first, in two delighted years at my current one.

I came prepared.  Examples of her insufferable behavior?  Rehearsed and refined.  Rebuttels to potential retorts?  Locked and loaded.  An ultimatum regarding my future employment, if changes weren’t made?  Honest and abrupt.

I was pissed.  Make that beyond pissed.  “Post-pissed“, you might say.

He knew it.

For the first time since I’d known him, he listened more than he spoke.

At the end, he said he’d think about what I said, only if I promised to do the same.

I agreed and stormed out.

I quickly realized however, something was different.  In me.  How I thought about her.  How I viewed the entire, miserable debacle that led to the meeting in the first place.  I suddenly felt a bit of.. compassion (gag! gag! alert!) towards her.  A certain… respect (gag! alert! gag!), for her.  An undeniable understanding that I knew had completely altered the situation.  More or less resolving it in the process.

I was bewildered.  I played and replayed every sentence uttered during the exchange.  Finally it struck me.  Two simple points he made had changed my mind.  Without my knowing it.  The specifics of what he said isn’t important.  How he prefaced them?  Abso-freaking-lutely is.

“Cash, don’t tell her I said this but she really admires your (insert incredibly astute, impossibly sincere compliment here).

She also said you’re incredible at (insert a second incredibly astute, impossibly sincere compliment here), and hopes to learn from you in that regard.”

Holy hell.

Do you see the insane brilliance at work here?  No?  Put down the Mad Dog and listen up, rummy.  It positively kills for two reasons:

1)  I want, badly, to believe she actually said those things.

2)  I have absolutely no way of proving or disproving she actually said those things.

Everyone loves compliments.  Especially ones we feel we’ve truly earned.  Coming from a source we’d never expect?  Even better.

I want to believe it.  I’d like to believe it.  I do believe it.

The catch?  He may have made it up.  I have no way of knowing for sure.  If I ever broke his confidence by asking her about it?  She could admit it.  Or, she could deny it.

Either way, I’m screwed.

If she admits it, he could find out I betrayed his trust.  If she denies it?  I’m still screwed.  Why?  She could be lying.  Covering up her kind words to protect her reputation.  To maintain her power. To do whatever the hell the voices tell her to do.

I more or less have to accept it.

And, by extension?

Her.

The entire dynamic of our relationship has changed, for the better, as a result.

Well played, Mr. Vice President, sir.  You may be a diabolical diplomat.  But you’re an effective one.

+++

To review:

UPP - HE SAID SHE SAID

1)  PICK TWO PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO GET ALONG, WHO DON’T

This won’t work with total strangers.  The people need to know each other relatively well.

2)  TELL EACH OF THEM, “IN CONFIDENCE” SOME GOOD THINGS THEY’VE SAID* ABOUT EACH OTHER

*Honesty optional (but preferred, of course ) The important thing here is it has to be something unique, important, and believable.

3)  SIT BACK, WAIT, AND WATCH THE MAGIC HAPPEN

If you’ve done the above correctly?  It will.