cash: aspiring non-deviant

The term “deviant behavior” has always cracked my shit up.  “Deviant” to whom, exactly?  “Deviant” why, precisely?  “Deviant” under what authority?  In most cases, defining something as “deviant behavior” is a guilt-mechanism put in place by people wishing to set your moral code.  People hoping to control you.  People who think they’ve earned the power to define “right and wrong” for you.

Fuck.  Them.

Granted, there are several ‘deviant behaviors’ that for good reason, are against the law.  On many of these, I could not agree more (pedophilia, rape, theft, murder, etc etc).  As for the others?  Get real.  “Deviant behavior” tends to coincide with pleasure.  Usually,”forbidden” pleasure of some kind.  If you’ve spent any time at all on TGOC, you know Read more

cash’s one true turkey

A hilarious interaction with one of my adorable nephews this thanksgiving got me thinking about a truly defining moment in Cash Life.  It happened at a bowling alley.  In the suburbs.  During a gag inducing, work sponsored ‘team building’ event years ago.  This year, thanksgiving and my birthday shared the same day.  My nephew, insanely excited at this cosmic coincidence, began rattling off every variation of birthday / thanksgiving day wish he could think of.

Happy Birthday, TURKEY!

Happy Birthday CAKE, Turkey!

Happy Birthday, TURKEY-CAKE !!

I hadn’t laughed so hard in weeks.  His enthusiastic turkey talk brought me back to that fateful day at the bowling alley, and an insane turn of events that helped light the fuse of my ongoing optimism.

At the time, I “worked” in the i.t. department of a large satellite communications company.  I say “worked” because Read more

“badonkabutt”

One word you’d never use to describe a girl I was interested in?  “Badonkabutt”.  Aka, large and in charge posterior.  Not for me.  Oh hell no.  What’s funny?   It’s the number one word I’d use to describe any random girl I see on the street who my Read more

it’s hard to be happy (if you’re an idiot)

A random comment I overheard at work cuts to the core of why most people are miserable.  And suck.  Our VP was talking about a friend who’d recently been laid off and had to take a much lower paying job.  The discussion centered on how hard it was to pay his mortgage.  His stress was through the roof.  He wasn’t sleeping.  It was tearing his marriage apart.  When someone suggested the blatantly obvious, i.e. why doesn’t he sell his house and get an apartment or something smaller, my VP responded: Read more

marlboro blend no 27 review

When I first started smoking, I went on a rampage.  I smoked as many different brands as I could get my hands on (see here).  I smoked the pricey, I smoked the cheap (see here).  Eventually, I settled on a few favorites.  Camel’s Turkish Royal and Camel Lights quickly became my standards.  I never thought I’d smoke another Marlboro.  At least not one I’d paid for.  Then, in typical Cash Life fashion, a pleasant surprise that has me rethinking things.  Well, rethinking Marlboro things at least.

1:13 AM.  Escaping the scene of a ridiculous fight with my girlfriend found me wandering the frigid streets of Capitol Hill.  I needed caffeine and nicotine, not Read more

happy birthday (week) to me

A good sign of things to come?   When your birthday week kicks off with a surprise dinner at one of Denver’s best restaurants, Zengo.  What’s tastier than ahi tuna won-ton-tacos, lobster pot-stickers, and ‘give and take’ chicken salad, served in one of the sexiest dining rooms in the city?  An absolutely divine chocolate mousse, on the house, for dessert.   Tastier still?  Sharing the decadence with your impossibly succulent girlfriend, who put the whole jaw dropping surprise together.

A thousand and one thank you’s, dear.

Let the wild birthday rumpus.. continue.

xo
cash

guys are dumb vol 2: “she’s sooo fine”

One of the greatest bonding moments in the history of straight-guy-dom is also one of the simplest.  It’s sharing the experience of seeing some ridiculously hot girl.  A stranger.  In a public place.  For the world’s more refined gentry?  This results in a subtle nod in her direction.  A raised eyebrow.  Perhaps a nudge.  For those less enlightened?  Juvenile pointing.  Creepy leering.  Perhaps a wolf whistle or other barbaric gesture.  (see here for Cash’s treatise on proper ogling techniques).

Regardless of how it’s handled though, it always works.  It works because it’s an opportunity for instant agreement.  It requires no thought.  There’s no room for debate.  She’s hot.  She’s here.  Get used to it.  An acknowledgment is made, reciprocated, and confirmed.   .

Insta-male-bonding, ahoy.

Sadly (perhaps not surprisingly), guys are dumb.  Real dumb.  How dumb?

Too dumb to realize this only works in real time.  If I didn’t see her with my own eyes, I have no idea how ‘fine’ she was.  How profound the experience was for you.  If she’s even worth talking about in the first place.

It’s bad enough when it Read more

logical indicators vs. verbal manipulators

People are full of shit.  My people.  Your people.  You.  People are born liars.  Most die the same way.  They lie for different reasons, to varying degrees, almost constantly.  My friend Tracy shared a great quote the other night;

“The only people who haven’t lied to me are the ones I haven’t talked to yet.”

So sad.  So true.  Honesty is orgasmic, but most people still prefer the blue balls of bullshit.  Being able to spot a lie is incredibly important.  It’s also incredibly difficult.  It doesn’t have to be.

One of my favorite techniques in this regard is also Read more

tweet radio

Like my momma always said; everything tastes better with robots.  Even Twitter.  Stalking someone via their ‘micro-blogs’(gag), but sick and tired of all that damn readin?  Enter Tweet Radio. All your favorite tweets.. spoken aloud.  In a robot voice.  A very serious sounding robot voice.  A website mandatory for our species’ survival?  Not exactly.  A rather humorous way to kill 5 minutes, especially drunk?  Or stoned?  Definitely.

If you’ve never checked out “Shit My Dad Says”, you’re missing one of the few Twitter accounts worth reading.  Don’t take my word for it though.  Take Mr. Snooty Robo-Man’s:

Shit My Dad Says - Tweet Radio

happy friday the 13th

One of the best days of the year.  Don’t waste it.

Get a little crazy.  Raise a little hell.  Wait on pins and needles to see what hijinks await thanks to your awesome girlfriend.  Who’s got a special night planned.  To celebrate your favorite day of the year.

(Wait, that’s just me.)

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