r.i.p: polar bear snuff

It’s not often that the internet pisses me off, but when it does, it REALLY does.  Doing research into over-the-counter stimulants led me to a bizarre description of perhaps the strangest legal upper ever;

Polar Bear is a gorgeous white powder that you snort, sniff demurely or pack into your sinuses like cotton wadding. Going straight through your mucus membranes, Polar Bear is an instant rush.

An unlike ‘the other white powder’ I’m sure none of you are familiar with, Polar Bear Snuff isn’t damaging to your nostrils:

All you’ll find in the powder is “caffeine crystals, kava kava, red kirin, ginseng, oil of clove and wintergreen, natural menthol crystals.” The wintergreen and menthol really opened up everyone’s sinuses, but about half of our volunteers found the taste of Polar Bear unpleasant at the back of their throats. Most went back for seconds, however.

The review left me racing to google in an effort to order Polar Bear Snuff for a proper review.  It took all of about 60 seconds to realize two things;

1. The article reviewing it was from 1996.
2. Polar Bear Snuff is no longer on the market

Damn you internet and your teasing ‘historical archive of everything awesome that the government probably deemed too fun to keep on the market’ ways.

Hmpf.